God’s will not mine
After the break-up, I went through a phrase where my prayers were completely selfish. For a long time after the break-up, I was still in the slightly delusional phase of this isn’t really over and that is the guy I am supposed to marry so God will bring us together again. So I was praying that God will let us find each other again (or more specifically that God would work in his heart so that he realises his mistake).
The closer I drew to God the more I started praying that His will be done in my life. Although looking back, I know I still wishing and hoped that the outcome would be what I wanted. Not what God’s will was.
Still a struggle
Almost a year later I still struggle to always think in a way that isn’t selfish. But, looking at the personal growth that I have experienced in this season of pain and loneliness, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Why would I even say that you ask? Because even though the pain was daunting, and at times felt unbearable, it lead me to a relationship with Christ.
Looking back at when I went through the break-up, and if God answered my prayers, chances are that I might have been much worse off. I wouldn’t have grown into the person that I am today. I learned how to love myself and be much more aware of what other’s are going through. I have learned that I am worthy of an amazing love, and that even though being alone is hard, having God’s love conquers everything. I have gone on adventures, made new friends, and found incredible hope in the Lord. Something that I might never have had, if God answered all my prayers a year ago.
I realised how incredibly important it is to know that when God withholds answering our prayers… He isn’t being spiteful, mean or vengeful. God wants us to wholly put our trust in Him. The moment where we start genuinely praying for God’s will to be done in our lives, rather than our own, that is when miracles happen.
A changed heart, a new life…
God works in ways we cannot possibly fathom and by changing our hearts, not our circumstances may be one of the most profound ways that God works in our lives in order to bring about positive change.
I understand that the storm may be life-shattering, heart-breaking, soul-threateningly bad, but I do know that when the storm is raging. We are never alone, there is always hope and we may emerge from the storm victorious with God.
Romans 12:12(NLT) “Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.”