Hope for 2017
When I was going through everything in 2016, kept thinking of 2017 and it was as if, the only word that God gave me was “Hope”. There was hope for life and hope for my future. All was not lost in the fire. I was still a bit of a broken soul, but clinging to the promise of hope for a better year is what kept me going.
The clock strike didn’t change everything
I might have been a bit delusional to think that the moment the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve and when 2017 was finally a reality, that everything would instantly change. Looking back (very unsurprisingly) everything was still the same and I didn’t have my Cinderella moment of complete and utter transformation.
The new year ushered in more challenges and trials, but throughout it all. God remained steady and held me through it all. One of these challenges was, every girl’s worst nightmare… hairloss.
Three months into 2017, my hair was falling out in chunks every time I was washing my hair. I went to a hair clinic, I went to a doctor and I went to a homeopath, all giving me different things to smear, lather and ingest in order to stop the hair loss. Two months later, the hair loss was still going and I could see a noticeable thinness in my hair.
I broke down (I feel like this might seem like a usual thing by now) but I am a sensitive person. I asked God to please just help me.
While I was losing hair, I also felt deeply unhappy at work and studying. It all seemed a little pointless. I have always struggled with depression, and it felt like it was coming back with a vengeance.
One night, I dreamt that I was alone at a dark, scary house… sitting alone in the dark wondering why I had to be there. Then in the dream, I realised, I don’t actually have to be here… I CAN leave. Then I stumbled to my car and drove away in the dead of night. Then the moment I left, the sky tore open and the most beautiful, bright sunrise shone through the dark. And I felt… hope.
I woke up knowing for the first time in my life that a dream was from God. To me it meant that I just had to make the decision that this was not my inheritance. This pain, suffering and sadness will not be my life story. I kept proclaiming that the pain will end and most importantly, I felt like I needed to thank and praise God for already sorting everything out. I felt like it was extremely important to keep saying thank you that I know every problem, God already solved and handled.
God Comes Through
Halfway through 2017, I got the amazing opportunity to go and do a 6-month photography course starting in July. Something that I have always dreamed of doing, my employer very graciously agreed to switch me over to a consulting basis (which meant more flexibility to do the course while still maintaining my income).
I had a follow-up appointment with the hair clinic and my hair was growing back better than I could ever have expected. When all this happened, I started crying tears of joy, all while just repeatedly saying: “Thank you God, thank you, thank you”.
It was in these two life-changing moments that I realised that God truly delivered on His promise of hope for 2017.
And I have a feeling there is so much more in store for the story my life, because with God. I refuse to have a mediocre life. I know with God, I will have a life worthy of the daughter of the King of the universe. Nothing more. Nothing less.