Rejection doesn’t feel like a strong enough word…
I saw him again a few months after we broke up… Probably not my best idea. He was moving and still had to drop a few things off. Then when I saw him, it felt like an eternity of him telling me how amazing his life had gotten after he broke up with me. How his life just fell into place, how he made new friends, gotten an amazing new job and he just sounded (to my complete disappointment) extremely happy.
That broke my soul… again. I thought I had recovered enough from the break-up to handle seeing him again. Clearly I have never been more wrong. I felt like after seeing him, I went into a downward spiral because all that I kept thinking was, what does it say about me as a person that the moment I’m gone you are just that happy? Am I such a terrible human-being that my very existence just made him miserable. That my disappearance means everyone is just happier without me. Feeling like your absence only brought happiness doesn’t just attack your personality it attacks your innermost being. The very essence of who you thought you are, when someone basically says that you just simply weren’t good enough… When you feel the pain to your core, knowing that by rejecting you, by abandoning you, by leaving… Someone’s life was made that much better.
I understand now why there are so many stories of people who go through extreme struggles when a parent leaves or something similar. Even though I can’t even begin to imagine the struggle and pain of those situations, getting a glimpse into it, made me understand how hard it is dealing with complete and utter rejection. It is overwhelming, and it attacks your core being. It isn’t superficial. It is deep and leaves a scar that feels like it never will completely heal.
God’s view on the subject
I vividly remember that my church was praying for revival during the time I was struggling with these intense feelings of rejection. We all went in to just have an hour of prayer, and I remember praying, with tears streaming down my face, just thinking of how rejected and despondent I felt about everything that happened.
Very much the same as my previous post, I also had the sudden realisation that Jesus was also rejected. Once again, God isn’t distant or far in this situation. He understands, better than anyone else could.
I was also praying a lot and one day just had a very vivid thought come to mind regarding the situation with my ex and the rejection that I was struggling with. The thought was: “The fact that he could leave someone who would never have left him, who would never have cheated on him, who loved him more than anything and would have done anything in her power to make him happy. The fact that he could leave someone like that… says so much more about him, than it does about you.”
That changed it for me. And looking to the Bible, Jesus was perfect, unblemished and still rejected by so many people. I am by no means comparing myself to Jesus, I know I have many, many faults. But knowing that my life and being wasn’t and isn’t defined by this rejection, made an incredible difference to me.
Psalm 34:17-20 ESV
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.