After more than a year, it still hurt. At times it was a dull, constant ache, other times it was as though my heart physically hurt. It hurt to the core and at times it didn’t feel like it was getting better. Some days I still found myself crying out as though it happened yesterday. By the world’s standards I felt like a failure. Like I was taking too long to heal. That I was being pathetic for not being whole yet after such a long time.
While I was struggling with this issue, I realised, this incredible pain meant that the love was real. That the love I had for this guy, was so real in a world marred by people only loving for selfish gain. That in a world where real love is so rare, I was brave enough to love someone so wholeheartedly. I loved him fully and I shouldn’t see it as a weakness. Having the courage to love like that is bravery.
Although I don’t regret loving him, I knew I needed to move on and really work on healing from all the pain that he had caused. An amazing revelation from God came to me: “Your healing will depend on how long it takes for you to accept My love”. It was a bit shocking to me, because I thought I had accepted God’s love. But when I truly thought about it, I realised that I hadn’t accepted God’s love completely and fully. I still deep down believed that I wasn’t good enough to be loved by anyone, never mind an amazing God. There were so many false perceptions of myself that needed to be addressed and I needed to really accept the love of God.
It may sound silly, but I just started saying it out loud each morning when I woke up.
“God, I accept Your love. I accept your healing. I am good enough. I am more than good enough.” This positive affirmation felt strange in the beginning, but I could feel the more I said it, each day it sunk in a bit deeper and I started to believe it. I could feel hope and life being restored to my life.
I once heard someone say that when you can share your story of your heartbreak without crying, then you know you have healed. Then yesterday it happened. I was able to recount my story and testimony without crying. I had never been able to do that before. It always ended with me in tears barely able to get through the story. And last night at Bible study I shared. For the first time, I opened my heart to my friends, shared my testimony, became vulnerable and felt as though I knew God was there holding my hand and feeling so proud of how far I had come in accepting His love.
So, to all of you, no matter what you are struggling with, just accept God’s love. Don’t fight against it. Don’t believe the lies that you aren’t good enough. Accept that God loves you more than anything and that you are His most beloved. He is saying to you today: “You are good enough. No, you are MORE than good enough. Just accept My love and the rest will be okay.”